This is the project to which I attempt to coat half my bag in a wall of buttons I got from my grandma.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
The Cult.
A few years ago, I moved with my family to a new town. I won't give any names, for privacy reasons. When we got there, my mom started church hunting. We tried the Lutheran church. We tried the Catholic church. We tried all of the churches until finally, on a friends reference, we tried the non-denominational church. It was all great and fine. My mom loved it. My brothers loved it. I, didn't so much, but that's because no one really talked to me. There were a few though, and I'm still good friends with them after everything that happened, happened.
So, what happened? Well, as the years went on I started to hear rumors in school. People were talking about the local cult. People told me I was a cult follower. Then they'd apologize. "Just kidding."
They weren't. But, I thought they were so I'd laugh along.
I remember taking a trip one summer to visit family down south. I had needed the trip, because the past school year had been unusually rough on me, and I wasn't handling it the best. During the trip, I was texting back and forth with a good friend of mine. Let's call him Jon. I was texting back and forth with Jon. We were setting up a day that we would draw together when I got back. On Facebook we were linking each other videos to watch, and swapping what little advice we had to give one another about the arts. As much as I was enjoying my southern stay, I was excited to get home. I was excited to see him. I was excited to spend time with him. But, when I got back, and ran into the church sanctuary looking everywhere for him, he wasn't there. And in the years to come, I'd only see him two or three more times.
But let's backtrack. When we had first joined, I had no friends. I sat alone during sermons, youth group, and any activities. The youth pastors overlooked me when I first arrived, because they thought I was just a visitor. As I came more and more often, their behaviors toward me wouldn't change. And as time would go on, I would change, and they never fully knew how to handle me. Or talk to me. Or treat me. So they ignored me. And, as is to be expected, so did everyone else in Youth, who were only following their example. But, there were those few, as I mentioned earlier, who I friended.
Let's call them Jane and David.
A married couple who helped run the Youth group. Jane was fun and energetic while David was calm and collected. They were a great match and had three kids that I really got along with. At first though, I only knew Jane and David, mainly because they wouldn't leave me alone. Unlike the pastors, they spent time with me even if that meant sitting and saying nothing at all while I drew things. Their presence is what they spoke with, and then when they did speak, it was only of good things. I connected with them really well, and through them I was able to act in a drama we presented for the church. I actually wound up doing two of them.
For their birthdays, and their children's birthdays, we would punk their house. That basically means that we'd confetti their house, tape signs to the garage, and tack up balloons everywhere in the yard while they were away. In return, they did not punk us. But they always gave us a wonderful reaction to us doing it to them!
Jane and David were good people. And one day, even though I didn't fully realize it had happened until much much later, they were gone.
But before they were gone, we had met some of their friends who also went to church with us. Tanya and Sean. For the longest time I had thought that Sean was Jane's brother, because they not only looked similar but acted similar. I remember the first time I had met him, nothing spectacular was happening. It was a Sunday morning and I was simply walking down the aisle to an open seat, and planned on just sitting there until the service began. (After all, I had no one to talk to.) I was a little over halfway down the aisle when I passed him sitting on the end of one of the rows.
"Hey hey! Look!" He had said, snatching out at my shirt. I remember being startled because someone was speaking to me. Before I had a chance to respond he had jerked up his pant leg. "Look at my socks! They're RED!" Lo and behold. He had socks on, and they were bright bright red. And that was the actual moment I decided he and Jane were related, because no one could get that excited over a pair of socks unless they were a part of her family. Sean and Tanya had-to my memory-close to six kids.
Hayley and Dylan were another couple that were friends with Jane and David. They had, maybe five kids. Their oldest daughter had the biggest crush on my brother and it was adorable because she was, 5, and he was 16. Jane and David's 3 kids would play with Hayley and Dylan's kids all the time. They grew up together.
I remember going to their garage sale, where they were partnering up with Tanya and Sean to sell things. I remember messing around with Cray-Pas in their driveway and admiring their house. It was so beautiful.
Long story short, Hayley, Dylan, Sean, and Tanya all left, taking their 11 kids with them. When they left, I actually remember it because it was so much more empty. The childrens services were seemingly void of children. Not just because of them, but because 3 other families disappeared too.
All of this happened over the span of five to six years. And by the time it was over, every single person I was able to hold a conversation with for more than 30 seconds, was gone. And then, so were we.
And, when we left, we found them. Everyone who had vanished before, we found again. At the time that it was happening, everyone was calling it a church split. And, I guess in a way that it was. But being so young, I never really questioned it. Until, after leaving, we learned why some of the people who left, left.
One of my moms friends left-or rather, was removed-because her son was having an affair with one of the ladies in church who was married to a man who was a 'big tither'. The more you gave, the more protection you had from the leaders. The leaders had kicked Sandra out because they decided that she plotted the whole thing, and was a homewrecker. Which, she isn't. It destroyed her. It hurt her. To be betrayed by your Pastors is something you never really expect. Other people in the church-sure. But your Pastor? Never. Sandra hasn't been to church since.
Jane and David were called into the office one day. Pastor's office. They wanted to speak to Jane alone. David wouldn't leave her. They agreed to speak to them both.
Jane had been called in, because of Annet. Jacob's wife. Jacob was the Youth pastor, and son of leaders. The thing with Jane is this: she isn't girly. She's feminine in a masculine way, and damn proud of it. She wears cargo pants under dresses, in ballet shoes and doesn't give a rip. Annet however, did give a rip because Jane was confronted on it. They didn't like how she was saying to the girls in the youth, that they didn't have to be girly. Annet wanted conformity, Jane was independent. There were many other things that happened as well, but it began with that, and ended with their banishment. They now lead Youth group at a different church, and are the main leaders.
Manda, one I haven't mentioned before, had a bit of a twisted story that I won't go into extreme details about. But, she was used. She's an amazing singer. On multiple occasions though, mainly when a church CD was being produced, she was pushed out of the way. The leader's wife and daughter wanted the spotlight. Manda was pushed out of pictures, but included in vocals. Obviously. Because she's amazing. When the leaders were in court, trying to win their daughters children from her ex-husband, they ordered Manda to lie in testimony, like they did, about things Nick did. Say he was a stalker, creeper, pedophile. She didn't. And slowly, started to realize how twisted things were. And when she was invited down south by a guest speaker/singer who was helping produce the CD, he was the first person-after having seen a few things-to actually say the word cult.
Now, this man is not weak. He is a strong man of God, and so for him to say that, means quite a number. It means a lot. It says a lot.
Manda has just started returning to church, after having had been blacklisted by them. The guest speaker was also told not to come back. He didn't want to anyways.
We were not led by Charles Manson. There were no Satanic rituals. There were leaders. And they were controlling. If you tried to leave, and they knew it, they would do anything they could to make you stay. More responsibilities, promises, compliments, anything to keep you there, and to keep you tithing. Money is all they really wanted. I can see that now. Money and popularity among their people. Because believe me, when they stood on that stage-emphasis on STAGE-and preached the 'gospel', they weren't doing it for God. They did it for themselves.
Once you're in, you feel like you can never leave. You feel like an addict, needing your drug. Once you're in, you feel like you're a part of a secret that no one else will or could ever understand. So you never talk to people about it, and when you do, you have to defend the leaders because deep down, you know they're wrong.
And once you're out, and I mean really out, you wonder what ever made you stay.
By the way, Nick won the kids. They're his. Thank God.
So, what happened? Well, as the years went on I started to hear rumors in school. People were talking about the local cult. People told me I was a cult follower. Then they'd apologize. "Just kidding."
They weren't. But, I thought they were so I'd laugh along.
I remember taking a trip one summer to visit family down south. I had needed the trip, because the past school year had been unusually rough on me, and I wasn't handling it the best. During the trip, I was texting back and forth with a good friend of mine. Let's call him Jon. I was texting back and forth with Jon. We were setting up a day that we would draw together when I got back. On Facebook we were linking each other videos to watch, and swapping what little advice we had to give one another about the arts. As much as I was enjoying my southern stay, I was excited to get home. I was excited to see him. I was excited to spend time with him. But, when I got back, and ran into the church sanctuary looking everywhere for him, he wasn't there. And in the years to come, I'd only see him two or three more times.
But let's backtrack. When we had first joined, I had no friends. I sat alone during sermons, youth group, and any activities. The youth pastors overlooked me when I first arrived, because they thought I was just a visitor. As I came more and more often, their behaviors toward me wouldn't change. And as time would go on, I would change, and they never fully knew how to handle me. Or talk to me. Or treat me. So they ignored me. And, as is to be expected, so did everyone else in Youth, who were only following their example. But, there were those few, as I mentioned earlier, who I friended.
Let's call them Jane and David.
A married couple who helped run the Youth group. Jane was fun and energetic while David was calm and collected. They were a great match and had three kids that I really got along with. At first though, I only knew Jane and David, mainly because they wouldn't leave me alone. Unlike the pastors, they spent time with me even if that meant sitting and saying nothing at all while I drew things. Their presence is what they spoke with, and then when they did speak, it was only of good things. I connected with them really well, and through them I was able to act in a drama we presented for the church. I actually wound up doing two of them.
For their birthdays, and their children's birthdays, we would punk their house. That basically means that we'd confetti their house, tape signs to the garage, and tack up balloons everywhere in the yard while they were away. In return, they did not punk us. But they always gave us a wonderful reaction to us doing it to them!
Jane and David were good people. And one day, even though I didn't fully realize it had happened until much much later, they were gone.
But before they were gone, we had met some of their friends who also went to church with us. Tanya and Sean. For the longest time I had thought that Sean was Jane's brother, because they not only looked similar but acted similar. I remember the first time I had met him, nothing spectacular was happening. It was a Sunday morning and I was simply walking down the aisle to an open seat, and planned on just sitting there until the service began. (After all, I had no one to talk to.) I was a little over halfway down the aisle when I passed him sitting on the end of one of the rows.
"Hey hey! Look!" He had said, snatching out at my shirt. I remember being startled because someone was speaking to me. Before I had a chance to respond he had jerked up his pant leg. "Look at my socks! They're RED!" Lo and behold. He had socks on, and they were bright bright red. And that was the actual moment I decided he and Jane were related, because no one could get that excited over a pair of socks unless they were a part of her family. Sean and Tanya had-to my memory-close to six kids.
Hayley and Dylan were another couple that were friends with Jane and David. They had, maybe five kids. Their oldest daughter had the biggest crush on my brother and it was adorable because she was, 5, and he was 16. Jane and David's 3 kids would play with Hayley and Dylan's kids all the time. They grew up together.
I remember going to their garage sale, where they were partnering up with Tanya and Sean to sell things. I remember messing around with Cray-Pas in their driveway and admiring their house. It was so beautiful.
Long story short, Hayley, Dylan, Sean, and Tanya all left, taking their 11 kids with them. When they left, I actually remember it because it was so much more empty. The childrens services were seemingly void of children. Not just because of them, but because 3 other families disappeared too.
All of this happened over the span of five to six years. And by the time it was over, every single person I was able to hold a conversation with for more than 30 seconds, was gone. And then, so were we.
And, when we left, we found them. Everyone who had vanished before, we found again. At the time that it was happening, everyone was calling it a church split. And, I guess in a way that it was. But being so young, I never really questioned it. Until, after leaving, we learned why some of the people who left, left.
One of my moms friends left-or rather, was removed-because her son was having an affair with one of the ladies in church who was married to a man who was a 'big tither'. The more you gave, the more protection you had from the leaders. The leaders had kicked Sandra out because they decided that she plotted the whole thing, and was a homewrecker. Which, she isn't. It destroyed her. It hurt her. To be betrayed by your Pastors is something you never really expect. Other people in the church-sure. But your Pastor? Never. Sandra hasn't been to church since.
Jane and David were called into the office one day. Pastor's office. They wanted to speak to Jane alone. David wouldn't leave her. They agreed to speak to them both.
Jane had been called in, because of Annet. Jacob's wife. Jacob was the Youth pastor, and son of leaders. The thing with Jane is this: she isn't girly. She's feminine in a masculine way, and damn proud of it. She wears cargo pants under dresses, in ballet shoes and doesn't give a rip. Annet however, did give a rip because Jane was confronted on it. They didn't like how she was saying to the girls in the youth, that they didn't have to be girly. Annet wanted conformity, Jane was independent. There were many other things that happened as well, but it began with that, and ended with their banishment. They now lead Youth group at a different church, and are the main leaders.
Manda, one I haven't mentioned before, had a bit of a twisted story that I won't go into extreme details about. But, she was used. She's an amazing singer. On multiple occasions though, mainly when a church CD was being produced, she was pushed out of the way. The leader's wife and daughter wanted the spotlight. Manda was pushed out of pictures, but included in vocals. Obviously. Because she's amazing. When the leaders were in court, trying to win their daughters children from her ex-husband, they ordered Manda to lie in testimony, like they did, about things Nick did. Say he was a stalker, creeper, pedophile. She didn't. And slowly, started to realize how twisted things were. And when she was invited down south by a guest speaker/singer who was helping produce the CD, he was the first person-after having seen a few things-to actually say the word cult.
Now, this man is not weak. He is a strong man of God, and so for him to say that, means quite a number. It means a lot. It says a lot.
Manda has just started returning to church, after having had been blacklisted by them. The guest speaker was also told not to come back. He didn't want to anyways.
We were not led by Charles Manson. There were no Satanic rituals. There were leaders. And they were controlling. If you tried to leave, and they knew it, they would do anything they could to make you stay. More responsibilities, promises, compliments, anything to keep you there, and to keep you tithing. Money is all they really wanted. I can see that now. Money and popularity among their people. Because believe me, when they stood on that stage-emphasis on STAGE-and preached the 'gospel', they weren't doing it for God. They did it for themselves.
Once you're in, you feel like you can never leave. You feel like an addict, needing your drug. Once you're in, you feel like you're a part of a secret that no one else will or could ever understand. So you never talk to people about it, and when you do, you have to defend the leaders because deep down, you know they're wrong.
And once you're out, and I mean really out, you wonder what ever made you stay.
By the way, Nick won the kids. They're his. Thank God.
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